Jerry Mazza
Online Journal
Wednesday, November 22, 2006

You can’t make this stuff up. So why take credit for it, other than rewriting what the huckleberries at the Pentagon have said?

Go Big, Go Long means actually increasing troops in Iraq by 20 to 30 thousand soldiers in the short run, with a long-term commitment to suped-up training and nudging Iraqi forces, and then, in the long run go home. This is in spite of the recent election-“thumping” of the Republicans (George Bush/Dick Cheney) for being there in the first place, illegally, immorally, treasonably, wastefully, new world orderly.

Go Big straight-up, which preceded the above, is just to dramatically increase troops (like by 200,000) and try to kick ass of both the sectarian (religious) and "insurgent" (home-grown) violence. Good luck. Make Charley Rangel president and bring back the draft to help get all those liberal-ass rich and middle-class college-bound draft-dodgers to pitch in.

Go Home, the only option that makes any sense, was crapped on summarily by the Pentagon think group (it figures,) because they think it could push Iraq into a major bloody civil war (sort of like what’s going on now). But then this is what will happen no matter how long you sit there, or how many troops you throw in, 'til you get tired of the murdering and being murdered and go home. They, the Iraqis who are fighting us, are not going anywhere, which is what happens typically with “insurgencies.” They surge in a minute after you leave.

The last and strangest plan, which sounds like a combination dinner at the Metro Diner down the block on Broadway, is the Go Big but Short While Transitioning to Go Long plan. You get that? You get two vegetables with a potato when you order the Salisbury steak, but just one vegetable and no potato with the hamburger, which is really Salisbury steak in a different shape, but so what.

Seriously (if that’s possible) in this “hybrid plan” there’s a short increase in US troops, followed by a long-term plan to “radically” cut our presence, maybe to 60,000 troops. This is affectionately called “The Moonwalk Plan,” after Michael Jackson (remember him, holding his kid by the feet out the window?). What a stitch. Michael would appear to be walking forward while actually slip-sliding backwards. That Jackson. I almost miss him. That Pentagon, wow, what bunch of stitches.

Then there’s always the Unmentionable. Just split and nuke the whole place to ashes, which should play big in the Red States. I mean Hiroshima, mon amor, back to life in a sand dune. But wait. What about all that oil? You can’t throw away the oil, baby, with all the Baathists, Shiites, Sunnis and Kurds. So, what to do?

I don’t know. Saddam’s still around. A shave, a haircut, a new suit. Who’s gonna know? Put the statue back up. And he’ll hang the judges and the rest of the puppets. We’re back to go. It’s like Monopoly. It’s a new lease on the oil, I mean life. He’ll be so cooperative. If he gets testy, it’s back to Jail. NO? All right, smarty, it’s your turn. Here, roll the dice.