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The Smart Way to Earn Your US Citizenship 1. Enter the country illegally. This will demonstrate your commitment to abide by US laws. 2. Go to work for an unscrupulous company willing to hire you. This will help drive down wages, and as a result will demonstrate your solidarity with American workers and your intention to affect the US economy in a positive way. 3. Apply for government benefits. You will receive them, no questions asked, and US citizens will appreciate the extra competition for these limited resources. It will also endear you to US taxpayers. 4. Refuse to learn English. Speak Spanish instead. Or, at the very least, speak English badly. Banks and other institutions will still do business with you, and your refusal to speak English will be taken as proof that you earnestly wish to be part of US society and uphold the ideals and traditions that have made US citizenship so desirable. 5. Pour into the streets by the thousands and demand citizenship, as loudly and aggressively as possible. This will convince everyone that you are willing to do what it takes to earn citizenship. And don't forget to bring a Mexican flag to the demonstration. This will show how willing you are to uphold the part of the Oath of Citizenship that says you will "renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state, or sovereignty of whom or which [you] have heretofore been a subject or citizen." Also, hold up signs that say things like: "We clean your hotel rooms ... We cook your food ... We build your homes ... We take care of your children ... etc." This will remind millions of unemployed US citizens that they used to have those jobs; as a result, they will welcome you to this country with open arms. And, as an added effect, make sure everyone wears the same color shirt--white, for instance. Not only does such uniformity of color make those aerial shots on tv more impressive, it brings back fond memories of other famous color-coordinated groups, such as Hitler's Brownshirts and Mussolini's Blackshirts. This will reassure US citizens who have heard the racist "reconquista" rhetoric and are doubtful of your intentions ... ---------------------------------------------------
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