BRUCE D. CALLANDER
Cheboygan Daily Tribune
Thursday, January 18, 2007 

Whenever I go into a store, I look for the surveillance cameras and try to stay out of their way. I don't want to turn up on the six o'clock news looking like I'm trying to pull a fast one.

Not that I have ever done anything illegal in a store. Well, there was that time when I was 5 and stole a penny licorice whip from Patton's Store in Malone, N.Y. But that was so long ago that the statute of limitations must have run out. Besides , they didn't have a surveillance camera in there. Other than that, I can't remember ever doing anything improper.

But you never can tell. Some kid sticks up a 7-Eleven and they check out the film and find me. It seems unlikely that they would mistake a man in his 80s for a teenaged punk, but you can never tell. Those cameras are always fuzzy and everybody looks alike with a handkerchief over his mouth. I sometimes wear a muffler to keep out the cold.

Anyway, I don't like the whole idea of surveillance cameras. I know they are there to protect property from thieves and vandals, but they watch me as well. I have no sinister intentions, but suppose they caught me doing something embarrassing, like drooling. I don't do it often, but sometimes I find a little saliva coming from the corner of my mouth. I don't want that on film. People might think I'm a slobbering maniac, maybe a serial killer.

Or suppose I find a nickel on the street and pick it up. What are you supposed to do in such a case, turn it in to the management of the nearest store? I'd certainly do that if I found a million dollars in small bills in a suitcase somewhere, but anybody can lose a nickel. Still, I don't know if I want it on film that I was picking up a nickel. My impulse would be to leave it there and walk away as though I hadn't noticed it.

Or suppose that nickel was put there as part of a sting operation. You never can tell what the authorities may be up to. You pick up that nickel and the next thing you know, they have you in a basement somewhere under strong lights asking where the rest of the stash is and who's in on it with you.

Or suppose somebody's wife had a tail on him. I'm too old to be up to much, but suppose I were younger and happened to smile at a pretty girl in the parking lot and it was caught on camera. Next thing I knew, I might be in divorce court explaining that tape. I rarely smile at pretty girls these days for fear they will think I'm a dirty old man, but now and then I risk it. I'd hate to be hauled in as a masher.

I am not sure what the constitutional basis is for keeping those cameras on. There is something about the right to photograph whatever goes on in a public area, but there's also the right of privacy. I'm not sure they have a right to watch me, for example, once I am in my car.

Or suppose I was selling guns from my car to hardened criminals. Those cameras were set up to protect the store's property, not to catch people involved with illegal activities. Would the police have the right to arrest me for illegal gun smuggling? I don't think so. You can't just come across somebody committing a crime. You have to get a warrant issued and watch that person from a car while you drink coffee and eat donuts. That's the way they do it on TV and that is one of the constitutional requirements.

On the other hand, I think they could pick you up for spitting on the sidewalk. That affects the property of the store owner and probably is illegal in most states. I rarely spit on the sidewalk, but I would be especially careful around surveillance cameras. That's the kind of thing that goes on your record and keeps you from getting a job.

Bruce D. Callander spent 33 years writing and editing for Air Force Times. He now is a freelance writer who lives in Cheboygan.